Are You Inauthentically Authentic?

Did you know there’s such a thing as being unintentionally inauthentically authentic? Quite the tongue twister, isn’t it? Try saying that three times fast! 😂

I didn’t know it at first, but for a long time, that was me. It wasn’t until I began the work to raise my consciousness that I discovered this dysfunctional pattern within myself.

I had to discover it—because I was the one causing my pain, and I wanted out.
When this unconscious pattern was revealed, I was devastated. It was one of the most painful realizations

I’ve ever faced because, of all things, I prided myself on being highly integrous. I believed in doing the right thing, even if it meant getting the short end of the stick.

I kept my word. If, on rare occasions, I couldn’t, I made sure the other person knew my intentions were still genuine. Ghosting was never in my belief system—trust and integrity were at the top of my values list.

I made sure every interaction was fair and equitable, whether in life, business, or relationships. So, for me, it was a shock to discover that I was inadvertently causing myself—and others—pain.

The Irony of Inauthentically Authentic

For years, I made sure I was “authentic” in everything I did. Being fake? That was out of the question.

Drama? Couldn’t stand it. I always spoke my mind, with the best of intentions, aiming to do right by everyone. And yet, despite my belief that I was being raw/ real, I was actually doing the opposite.

Drama? Yep, it was all inside of me, I just never showed it. Fake? Absolutely–I unconsciously and habitually changed myself to please others. In essence, I never gave the best of me, I simply gave people a version of it.

I was being inauthentically authentic when my heart said no, and I said yes anyway.
I was being inauthentically authentic when I smiled to avoid confrontation, even though I was upset.
I was being inauthentically authentic when I stayed in environments that didn’t serve me, just to avoid disappointing others.
I was being inauthentically authentic when I sacrificed my own needs, hoping others would love me in return.
I was being inauthentically authentic when I maintained "friendships" with people who were using me—just to avoid being alone.
I was being inauthentically authentic when I put myself last, thinking it was a noble sacrifice for the greater good.

The list goes on, and if you’re honest with yourself, you might recognize some of these behaviors too.

Fear vs. Love

We’re being inauthentically raw/ real every time we listen to fear over love. Listening to love means tuning in to your heart—the first instinct, that first thought—before the mind clouds it with fear. As overthinkers, we often drown out that initial voice of love with doubts, confusion, and noise.

Being truly real means acting on that first voice. It’s choosing self-love and rejecting the confusion that leads us astray. Sacrificing my needs for others wasn’t love—it was fear disguised as kindness. In doing so, I didn’t offer real love. Instead, I gave others a lesser version of myself.

The truth is, you cannot give what you don’t have. If you don’t love yourself first, you have nothing real to give. Giving from an empty cup only perpetuates an “idea” of love, not its pure essence.

The Mirror Effect

To be truly authentic with others, you must first be true with yourself. If you’re operating from fear rather than love, you're being fake—whether you realize it or not.

When I first recognized this, I struggled to figure out if I was truly being raw with myself. Besides calibrating my level of consciousness every morning through kinesiology, I discovered another way.

Let’s talk about the mirror—the part of us most people remain unconscious of.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking the world was fake? Have you ever thought, “That person is so fake”? I know I have, especially in business. I even called it out in people a few times, only to be told, “That’s just life. Everyone’s fake.”

I hated that response. It angered me because I believed I was as raw as they come and resented others for not being the same.

Then, I got hit with a metaphorical 2x4.

The more I saw "fakeness" in others, the more I realized it was a reflection of my own inner world. The people around me were simply mirroring what I hadn’t yet acknowledged within myself.

Owning the Projection

The thoughts we project onto others act as a mirror, exposing uncomfortable truths about our own beliefs. The more I judged others for being fake, the more I was unconsciously faking my own authenticity.

For example, have you ever scrolled through social media and thought, “They’re so fake. I know they’re just trying to look better than they are.” Those judgments aren’t really about the other person—they’re a projection of what we feel about ourselves. We don’t know their life, only our interpretation of it, colored by our opinions and judgments.

And here’s the thing: Opinions are not truth. Spirit doesn’t judge; it simply observes.

Choosing Love

To break free from this cycle, we must practice self-love. Catch those judgmental thoughts when they arise, and instead of indulging them, choose love. When you find yourself criticizing someone, pause and talk to that part of you. Acknowledge the judgment and say something like, “Well, maybe that’s true, but we can’t really know for sure, can we?” Then look for something positive instead: “Their photos look great. That island looks amazing. Maybe I’ll go there someday.”

This small shift in perspective allows you to practice love and authenticity. Being authentic means embodying love—because that’s what we truly are. When we stop condemning parts of ourselves, we open up to healing and growth.

With practice, you’ll train your mind to choose love over judgment, and your life will transform in ways you never thought possible.

Final Thought

Choose love, always. Give yourself the love you seek, and in doing so, you’ll discover what it means to be truly raw and real. If you need any information or if you're keen on becoming inauthentically authentic, you can contact Attracting Grace anytime.

Now that’s being authentically authentic.

Cheers to love, light, and higher truth,
Nicole