Embracing Patience

For as long as I can remember, I have always been “rushing” to get somewhere. I found myself constantly on the go and seemingly “too busy” to do anything remotely fun. Fun?

I knew I had to carve that into my busy schedule somehow, but there was always too much to do. One day, I would think, one day I will get to where I want to be, and I will finally be happy. And I truly believed that the harder and faster I worked to get things done, the faster I would get to where I wanted to go. The funny part? I never even saw this as impatience. I considered it diligence.

Boy was I ever wrong?

Done? What does that even mean? What a laughable concept. The reality of it is that we are never, ever done. We are infinite beings actively having a human experience in a school called Earth. And in this school, there is zero hierarchy and zero grades, but a ton of teachers and some real tough lessons. There is indeed genuine pain, actual tears, genuine anguish, and yes, even real toxicity and suffering. But there is also genuine love, genuine happiness, genuine compassion, real health, and even exhilaration. Life is supposed to be joyful, light hearted, and fun.

Yet, I was constantly in survival mode and completely unaware of it.

Growing up profoundly hearing challenges took its toll on me when I failed to realize the value of patience until it was too late. My home life was severely dysfunctional, and I developed a tendency to reject myself constantly in favor of pleasing others. I was completely self-sacrificing, with an exaggerated concern for others.

I decided early on that the pain I experienced was simply because I was different. As a result, I did everything I could think of to fill out a role, an ideal image. I believed I was never good enough and created many strategies to avoid pain.

I decided that the pain I experienced directly correlated with my disability.

I denied my needs and abandoned myself in favor of being “like everyone else”. Why? Because I truly believed that it was always better “over there”. I believed with all of my heart that if I changed myself, then people would finally accept me.

And so I did, as fast as I could go.

Despite all odds, I became highly proficient with my speech and decided that I would “hear” everything so no one could point out my faults. I hid my hearing aids by wearing my hair down. I made sure I wore them 24/7 so I wouldn’t miss a single spoken word. I never learned sign language and instead perfected my speech.

I buried my face in books to gain the knowledge I was “missing”.
Still, I never felt complete, never good enough—so I made plans on how I would do life based on everyone else.

Instead of asking myself for guidance, I constantly sought others for answers. I would ask the same question a million times until I “understood”, unknowingly tiring others.

To get to where I believed I was going faster, I had to stay busy. I was a member of 30 clubs in high school and played sports. I had my entire high school and college schedule planned out by the time I was in 8th grade. Seriously.

All was fine while I was attending school, until it came closer to graduation from college. I had spent so much time being “busy” that I truly had zero idea what I really wanted to do. My impatience to create an alternate identity and my need to “find happiness” soon exacerbated into a mental illness.

By the time I was 20, I had full-blown bouts of anxiety, depression, and the beginnings of bi-polar illness. I experienced manic episodes that severely affected my well-being, and I was still clueless. I continued down my same path, expecting it to change “one day”.

By 22, I was drowning in pills that I had to take just to feel “normal”, all the while still feeling as abnormal as I could be. I completely rejected myself and constantly smiled to hide the pain, so no one really knew anything, not even my closest family. Everyone thought I was the happiest person on the planet, supposedly. I had become a high-functioning depressive without even knowing it.

And you know what, I thought I was happy. My strategy of unconsciously pushing down pain seemed to work. I thought that was how it worked. And since there was always something to be grateful for, I just kept going.

Have you ever heard of the term Predominant Creator? A predominant creator is one that chooses how they want to react and focuses only on creating experiences for their highest good.

Me? I had become a predominant disintegrator.

My focus was on being the best at everything I did just so I could get to where I was going faster. I avoided pain by constantly judging myself and “doing the right thing”. I also judged others for their mistakes, while correcting my own. Blazing a path of shame in many of my relationships, I kept going blindly because nothing was ever good enough, and I was expecting just to “know” when it was.

I played so small, while trying to be big.

My impatience to constantly strive to achieve something and become someone, caused me to overlook my most significant self: my Self. I only loved the parts of me I considered “good enough” and worked hard to “fix” the rest of me. My unconscious impatience, caused by the need to avoid pain, ran rampant. It dominated much of my life and caused a big mess.

I realized that with my toxic beliefs and the constant rush to get somewhere, I was abandoning my true self. Authenticity means that you are you, regardless of circumstance.
I had to learn to accept the ugliest parts of myself to experience true healing. I had to accept myself exactly as I am, and allow for patience to pull me where I wanted to go.

Impatience literally gets you to…nowhere.

Impatience slows our progress while fooling us into thinking it is speeding us along. We do so much, thinking it will get us to where we want to go, faster, when all it does is just the opposite.

In my desire to change impatience, I found a new way to look at patience.

Patience is an art I like to call The Art of Intelligent Waiting.

I used to avoid sitting in traffic and long lines like the plague. Now, I happily wait anywhere, and enjoy moments of mindful presence as I wait. I find inner peace no matter where I am, because I finally see that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

It is ok to be right where we are, no matter how tough we perceive it to be. With acceptance, it can change. I learned that practicing patience for others created more patience for myself. And mor
e patience for myself means there is less resistance in the way, which speeds everything up.

Now, I fully embrace the moment and happily wait anywhere. By being mindful and doing breathing exercises, I practice the Art of Intelligent Waiting instead of choosing to feel like there's not enough time. There is always enough time. As a result, manifestations come to me at such incredible speed. Life is so much more delicious this way!

Dear reader, the next time you find yourself in a hurry, I hope you remember my story.

Do yourself a favor, and instead of broadcasting impatience, embrace patience.

Exercise the Art of Intelligent Waiting and Broadcast Love. You will thank me for it later 🙂

The Power of a Mentor/Coach for Embracing Patience

I owe everything to my mentor, who has guided me through the toughest of times and inspired me to create a life I truly love. It would be an honor to do the same for you.

If you would like to create a life you would love to have, like I have done, consider hiring a Mindset Coach to help guide you.

Investing in yourself will be the wisest and most prosperous thing you have ever done—I know this from experience. For more information on my coaching services or to hire me for a speaking engagement, check out my website www.iamnicolereina.com.

Cheers to Love, Light, and Higher Truth—

Nicole 🫶