There’s More to Self-Love Than You Think…

What Does Self-Love Mean to You?

Self-love means different things to different people. It’s not a one-size-fits-all concept, and its meaning can shift depending on your circumstances. Practices like self-respect, self-worth, self-compassion, and higher self-esteem are all essential components of self-love. Essentially, it’s about silencing that harsh inner critic and replacing it with a kind and compassionate voice.

But what if there’s another dimension of self-love that you haven’t considered yet?

Are You Reacting to Your Past Self?

Have you ever felt anger, frustration, or overwhelm in response to a situation? These emotions might not be about the present moment but rather a reaction to your past self. Often, when we experience negative emotions, we subconsciously judge ourselves for past decisions, thinking, "I should have done something different." As a result, we end up blaming the external situation rather than recognizing that it's our own past we’re wrestling with.

Take a moment to reflect: how often do you find yourself saying, “If they hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t feel like this”?

Yes, the situation may have triggered the emotion, but the real issue is the perspective we hold about it, often rooted in past experiences.

A Simple Example: The Work Scenario

Let’s say you’re late to work because you took too long to get ready. You might think, “If I hadn’t wasted time, I wouldn’t be late!” But is being late really the problem, or is it the fear of how others might perceive you based on your past experiences of being late?

In reality, being late once is unlikely to get you fired. Yet, many of us react as though it’s a catastrophe, not because of the current situation but because of past patterns. We don’t want to repeat mistakes, so we hold onto those fears and frustrations, projecting them onto the present. But by focusing on the past, you end up recreating it—and, in turn, causing yourself even more pain.

The Trap of Avoiding Pain

Here’s a critical aspect of human behavior: we make decisions based on how we feel in the moment, usually trying to avoid pain. But this often creates a vicious cycle of more pain. Why? Because when you’re focused on changing the past, you’re unconsciously holding onto the very thing you’re trying to escape.
Imagine you’ve been in a toxic relationship.

To avoid repeating the past, you may approach every new relationship with fear, looking for signs that things might go wrong. This focus on the past experience blinds you from seeing the present moment clearly, which may end up sabotaging something that could’ve been healthy and fulfilling. The key is to realize: It’s not the outer circumstances that cause our emotions—it’s the perspective we hold.

Self-Love Starts with Perspective, Not Just Action

Changing your life isn’t about trying to avoid past mistakes or simply doing things differently. True transformation starts with changing your perspective, and you can only hold two: love or fear.
For many years, I lived in fear, though I disguised it as love. I held onto toxic patterns of shame, anger, resentment, and self-hatred, convinced that my outer circumstances were to blame. My experiences justified my feelings: I had been bullied, abused, and taken advantage of. But no matter what I did to “change” my life, I kept finding myself in the same emotional space—angry and hurt.

Eventually, I realized that the problem wasn’t what others had done to me; it was my own lack of self-love. I had been criticizing and shaming myself, unconsciously trapped in a cycle of negative emotions. And because I was living in the past, I kept recreating it.

What’s Your Perspective?

Ask yourself: are you seeing life through the lens of love or fear?

When we perceive the world with love, we feel good. When we perceive it through fear, we feel bad. It's really that simple. If you’re making decisions based on past pain, no amount of self-care will bring the happiness you crave.

This is where a deeper form of self-love comes in—one you may not have heard about before. It’s about shifting from regret, criticism, and resentment toward self-forgiveness and gratitude.

The Power of Forgiving Your Past Self

Instead of holding onto negative emotions and past regrets, what if you could forgive yourself? Be grateful for your past self, for the lessons learned, and the resilience gained. Thank your past self for getting you to where you are today.

Imagine this: your future self is looking back at you right now. What would you want them to say about the choices you’re making today? Would you want them to criticize you, or would you prefer they acknowledge your growth and celebrate how far you’ve come?

If you knew your future self was praising you, wouldn’t that feel better? That’s self-love in action.

Simple Steps to Shift Your Perspective

So, the next time you feel negative emotions surfacing, pause and ask yourself:

What part of my past am I still holding onto?
How can I shift my perspective from fear to love?

Start small. Here are a few ways you can begin practicing self-love by thinking about your future self:

• Make your bed in the morning to start your day with a small win.
• Choose to stay calm during an argument rather than react.
• Plan your outfit the night before to give yourself more time in the morning.
• Tackle that task you’ve been putting off—it’ll feel like a burden lifted.
• Call that person you’ve been meaning to reach out to, or write that blog you’ve been avoiding.
• Embrace Self-Love by Looking Forward

When you focus on the future and what they’ll think of your present actions, you create a cycle of positive growth. By doing this, you’ll notice that the world around you mirrors the love and positivity you cultivate within.

Now that’s real self-love.

If you're not able to understand anything or look forward to embrace self-love, you can get in touch with Attracting Grace & they'll help you with everything.