Why Do I Want to Stay Here? A Journey to Self-Love, Consciousness, and Inner Healing

Sometimes, life asks us questions that feel impossible to answer. For me, it was this: Why do I want to stay here?

I had to look within myself—deeply, honestly, and without filters—because the truth was that I felt like I was slowly dying. Not in a physical sense, but in a spiritual one.

Let me explain.

I uncovered a deep-rooted grief buried within me, so immense that it was suffocating. It was grief over lost opportunities, self-hatred, unresolved trauma, and a lifetime of pain that I had expertly masked by focusing outward. I chased happiness in all the ways society told me I should: I built a career, nurtured a family, reconciled with my estranged mother, and even achieved success that others celebrated. And yet, none of it was enough.

Inside, I was empty.

For a moment, I thought I had found the answer. I felt a connection with God that lit me up from within, but it didn’t last. The euphoria faded, and I crashed harder than before. I climbed back up, reaching for enlightenment, only to come face-to-face with a monster. That monster? It was me.

You might wonder why I’d call myself that. But for so long, I had identified with the darkest parts of myself—those unacknowledged shadows that I carried with me. While I searched endlessly for the power of consciousness and manifesting love, I never realized the light was inside me all along. The pain and abuse I endured didn’t just happen to me—it was also happening from within me. And when I finally saw it for what it was, grief swallowed me whole, making it impossible to fully embrace the light I was searching for.

For years, I did all the “right” things. I meditated. I affirmed my worth. I gave my heart to others and became a mindset coach to help people find their own light. But underneath all of it, that monster was still there, feeding on the belief that I wasn’t good enough. That belief drove everything—until it didn’t. Until I couldn’t take it anymore.

The life I built began to crumble, and the carefully crafted image of myself broke apart. What remained was raw grief—the grief of not listening to my own voice, not acknowledging my anger, and not facing the thoughts that haunted me. I had abandoned myself for so long that the monster inside me grew into a roaring force I could no longer ignore.

But now, I choose to see it. I choose to hear it. And most importantly, I choose to love it.

I see you, Nicole. I hear you. And I love you.

I see all of you—the peaceful and unpeaceful parts alike—and I choose compassion. I understand now that grief came from feeling abandoned by myself. But I also see that I did the best I could with what I knew then. And now, I know better. I know I have a choice.

I choose love.

It’s not easy. Living here, in this world, feels scary because fear has been my focus for so long. But I can choose differently now. I can choose compassion over fear, understanding over anger, and love over hate.

Why do I want to stay? Because here, in this life, there is a chance to make a difference. To experience the kind of love and light I’ve never known before. To help others find that light, too—especially the children who need it most.

This world has so much to offer. I want to stay and see the beauty I’ve been too blind to notice. I want to experience flowers blooming, animals being animals, cultures I’ve never seen, and foods I’ve never tasted. I want to laugh, play, dream, and love like never before.

I’ve had enough pain. I’ve lived in the darkness long enough. It’s time for the light.

I am worthy of love. I am worthy of joy. I am worthy of peace. I am more than good enough to create a life of my dreams, just as I was capable of creating my nightmares.

I choose to love myself, fully and unconditionally. To forgive the past and embrace the future. I am grateful for my body, my heart, and the resilience that has carried me this far. I am grateful to God for this life—for teaching me through darkness what it means to seek light.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I will meet it with hope. I will choose love, again and again, because that is the gift I was given.

Nicole, my dear, I love you. I choose you. I choose life. Let’s walk this path together, hand in hand, and see just how beautiful this world can be. Let’s dream big, love deeply, and shine brightly—for ourselves and for the world.

It’s you and me, baby. Always.

And what about you, dear reader?

Will you stay and join me in this quest for love and light? Will you look within and discover the incredible power of love and self-awareness that has always been inside you? Will you forgive yourself for the times you doubted, for the mistakes you made, and for turning away from your own heart?

My life changed when I discovered Attracting Grace and The Magical Mind. These transformative teachings opened my eyes to a new way of seeing myself and the world. Now, I invite you to join me on this deeply personal journey of self-discovery. Together, we’ll face the shadows with courage, listen to the wisdom behind our anger with compassion, and honor our grief as a powerful pathway to healing. Beyond these challenges lies a light—a light that has been waiting for you all along, ready to guide you to a place of peace, clarity, and grace. Let’s take this journey together.

This journey is not always easy, but it is deeply rewarding. It is a chance to reconnect with your true self, to choose love over fear, and to shine brighter than you ever thought possible.

The world needs you—your light, your love, and your unique contribution. Without you, the world is a little dimmer. With you, it has the power to shine with infinite possibility.

So, will you join me in choosing love? Will you embrace compassion, step into your power, and commit to living fully, with every part of you? Together, we can make a difference—not just in our lives, but in the world.

Because this world needs us. It needs you. Will you choose to stay and embrace the beauty, the light, and the love that life has to offer?

Let’s walk this path together—toward conscious living, deeper love, and a brighter future. The first step begins with you.

Will you take it?

If you will, contact me, let’s talk about walking this path together.

Cheers to love, light, and higher truth,